Still I Will Praise (a post for Erin)

Thursday, November 5th 2009, 2:07am, our child was born. But no cries are heard, no breaths are taken, her body is limp and unresponsive - the doctors begin working quickly with unnerving calm. Countless questions and concerned speculations are filling our minds regarding the short and long term health of this, our first child. After 9 months of planning, celebration, sacrifice, anticipation, prayer and hope... the moment we thought would bring tears of joy has suddenly collapsed our entire world with crushing weight and deafening silence. Several hours pass without much more than speculation and the simple information that "she's alive and being monitored." It is over 3 hours before we can see her in the NICU and her mother can touch her for the first time. Erin Elaine Henson had inhaled fluid during birth and had to be immediately intubated, resuscitated and put on a ventilator. In the days that followed we would find out that, while it does not happen a lot, this was not such an uncommon event during births. The greatest concern was the length of time she had been "depressed" by the event.

Our first sleep came briefly around 6:30am. When we awoke 2 hours later, I remember thinking how badly I wanted to go back to sleep. Not because I was tired, because I was unable to face the reality of what had happened. Would she survive? Would her complications threaten her long-term health and/or mental capacity? How would we handle it if she were impaired? We are not the first parents to face such questions, but until you are presented with these possibilities it is impossible to fully understand their weight on a parents heart.

As news began to spread via text messaging, twitter, facebook and email, soon there were people all over the country praying for Erin... including a friend of my sister on mission in China! A global outpouring was happening for my daughter, truly an awe-inspiring and humbling occurrence. As hundreds of prayers rang out in heaven for the health of this beautiful, small, helpless child under the watchful care of angels and doctors, my own prayers had begun with pleadings of holy intervention. Frequent and fervent cries of anguish, desperation and distress; "please help her, heal her, do not let my own failings affect Your mercy. Give her the strength to live and grow into a healthy adult, give her the chance to live a normal life." More than any other time in my life I was in dire want of everything God could offer. But over time I began to realize my prayers needed to mature into complete surrender. Then, finally, I was able to fully let go; "Lord, I am completely Yours. Amber is completely Yours. My daughter is completely Yours. You know my heart, you know our needs - I am only asking now for Your will to be done. If Erin dies, if she faces long term damage... still I will praise You. If Erin lives, if she is healthy... still I will praise You. No matter the path, our lives are Yours and I am thankful."

To be honest, reaching that point of submission took a long time. Although I knew it was where I needed to be, I was afraid... scared that if I told God He was in control He just might let her die because I said it was ok. Maybe He would decide to test the strength of my proclamation? But that's not how God operates. I needed to realize that if I am scared of His will, am I truly submitting to it? The purity of my trust in God can only be shown in moments like this, and I needed to rise above my undue sense of self to allow the full power of God's spirit to overtake the situation. Remember, God does not purposely cause pain to test us, but He can use it to bring us closer to Him.... if we let Him.

Sometime later that afternoon, the NICU doctor gave us the great news that Erin's recovery was so strong and quick that he was convinced the problem was short term and expected a full and speedy recovery. Now, two weeks later, she continues to show only signs of good health. Lord, I am forever thankful for Your gift. My own heart has been captured outside my self.

 

"Falling on my knees in worship,

giving all I am to seek Your face, 

Lord all I am is Yours"

Comments

[Nikki Herrington]

Mitch...

Thank you for sharing this. Having been blessed with my 2 babies, my tears were constant while reading this. I am printing this out and will remind myself to "surrender" when things get hectic (it will also remind me that small things really DON'T matter!).

[Donnie Williams]

Mitch, thank you for such a heartfelt and moving testimony of your faith and God's response to your prayers. We all share in your and Amber's blessing in Erin's birth and continue to pray for her continued well being and dedication to our God's will.
I will be reading this Praise at the Williams' Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Our love goes out to you and your family.
Donnie

[Nancy Henson]

I had the privilege of leading our Sunday School class in a discussion on faith last week. In closing, I explained that what I was about to read described an experience of faith put to the test. Although I knew God was in the room the entire hour, reading this beautiful testimony was a "God moment". He spoke through you to our friends. Thank you for sharing your raw, tender feelings and revelation with all of us.

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*I hope you all have a blessed day.